Her response was to declare I never trusted her in the first place. That I
don’t treat her as an equal.
[ He paused. ]
Perhaps there is some truth in that. I won’t deny it can happen and she
obviously felt that way. But it wasn’t about trusting her to do her job, it
was about trusting her to stay with the crew - the team - in a crisis and
being able to count on having her. Powers or no powers.
And that’s just it. How can I look at her and say to myself - Kara has our
backs, when we’re in battle? How do I know she won’t abandon us when we
might need her most?
[ His weight made the bed creak as he leaned back and into Fenris’
chest. ]
I’ve never had reason to question that before, and I do now, and I hate it.
I don't know, you seem to have a lot of trust in the crew. You...have a tendency to occasionally forget we are not the crew of the Enterprise - but I have never felt that you did not trust me, and I am well aware I have given you plenty of reasons to feel otherwise.
[If any member of the Tourist is likely to go rogue and fuck things up for everyone, it's Fenris. Even he can admit to that. He sighs, resting his head against Kirk's breathing in the scent of his hair. One arm shifts to wrap around his chest- not a full hug but something. ]
I wish I could give you the answer you need. Ultimately, that will have to be her choice. If she wishes to be part of the crew or not. I would miss her a lot, but if it would be easier for her to not have her heart torn in two places, it would be kinder to go to him. Or him to here...I suppose.
[He's not thrilled with the idea. He's never been a fan of Mon-El's. ]
[ He closed his eyes, thankful Fenris was allowing him this moment of
physical comfort. He knew it was not the easiest thing for him, and it
meant a lot that he did it. He turned his head, brushing his nose along the
angle of the elf’s cheek, reaching up to run his hands through silver hair.
]
I told her as much. I don’t want her to go. But I can’t make that decision
for her. Like you said, this isn’t the Enteprrise.
[ Lips brushed across Fenris’ skin, a gentle touch at the corner of
his lips. He could smell the brandy on them from that one sip, faint and
warm. ]
[Fenris let out a deep, rumbling hum at the touch, arm tightening around his lover gently, hoping the closeness gave him some comfort. ]
She has to be allowed to choose. It seems we are having a lot of bad luck with that, lately. I...am not sure if Pavel will return to us for good, either.
I think he will. He just... needs time. He has been sheltered from a lot of
this, and before the incident with the corpses he killed someone for the
first time to defend me. It’s a lot for him, and he needs to handle it in
his own time in his own way.
Though that is something I should do soon - talk to him.
[ He ducked his head in, nuzzling at him and then switching to nibble
at his lips. ]
[There was plenty ON his chest. His argument with Pavel was still very fresh in his mind. The words had cut deep, and the fact Pavel thought him and his fellow Thedosians as brutal and barbaric- without any real understanding of the world they came from did not settle well with him.
He exhales, a thumb brushing the line of Kirk's jaw- eyes closing for a moment because that nibbling is very distracting.]
No. I do not wish to put you in an uncomfortable position between us. I would not do that to you.
[ He wanted to protest for a moment, but what would be gained by
pushing his nose into it? He made a soft sound touched by a frown, thumb
brushing along the edge of Fenris’ ear. ]
All right, but if you want to talk about it, we can. Just know that, all
right?
[ His teeth worked along Fenris’ jaw, occasionally bumping him with
his nose. ]
[Nothing much at all. And Fenris really didn't want to put Kirk in a place where he felt his loyalties were divided. He tilts his head, closing his eyes and letting out a low hum at the treatment. That, at least, was pleasant.]
I know, thank you. It will solve itself in time, or it won't. We will have to see.
[ He nodded, accepting that, and honestly a little grateful to not
have to talk about it. He was worried, but he just didn’t think he could
handle more emotional land mines today. He turned his head, gaze falling on
the book Fenris had left open when he’d obviously gotten up to answer the
door. He patted this thigh for his attention. ]
It is one of the books in the library, on Earth legends. I was curious when you told me about the end of the world wolf. They are...actually interesting reads.
Oh yes, anything about mythology is pretty fascinating. Norse mythology in particular has a lot of good ones as I recall. Eastern mythology is quite rich as well, especially Chinese, Japanese, and Hindu.
[ He made himself comfortable against Fenris, taking as much time as the other would let him to just lean back and be physically against him. ]
There is such a wide variety. Sometimes I forget how large and diverse Earth is.
[After all, when he was on Earth, it was a much different place- ravaged by war with only tiny pockets of humanity still surviving outside of the mass of United Earth. He takes his time, hesitating, before moving to rest against him. ]
Well. It's a giant wolf of total destruction. It's...interesting at least.
Hah, have you gotten to the part about the giant serpent encircling the
world? That one always got me. Or I think there's something about a holy
squirrel that ferries messages along the nine realms and the tree
Yggdrasil.
[ He laughed, clearly enjoying the subject. He was not overly versed,
but he knew some basics. He did read things other than science and history
books now and then. ]
Well, you have to remember, when these were written, the world was much
smaller to them. Not as we know it. The seas were vast, deep, unexplored
and misunderstood. Weather was misunderstood. Wolves were a very real and
powerful threat. It's easy to see how they came up with these myths, though
they're just entertainment now.
Oh, we have plenty of those in Earth myth too. If you like dragon myths, you will love the Eastern cultures. Or, if you prefer things like hunting them, I suggest Medieval Europe. There are even some I think would count as dragons from the South American cultures of the Mayans and at the Aztecs.
[ Excited about this subject? Clearly. But he always was when he got a chance to learn new things, and many times understanding a culture came down to understanding their religious beliefs too. ]
[ He blinked, but he obviously didn't take it as an insult. But god
did he love that laugh. A real laugh out of Fenris. He almost closed his
eyes just so he could listen harder to it, memorize it - a little gem
suddenly dropped in his lap. He watched Fenris tap his lip, taking his head
when he finished and kissing the tip of the finger that had just been
against his lip. ]
[ Kirk's smile was bright, though small. He leaned up to kiss the
corner of Fenris' mouth again, shifting to the edge of the bed to work off
his shoes and socks, making himself comfortable. He moved to lay out,
patting the space beside him. ]
[Fenris smiles, moving to lie beside him, a little tense, but as comfortable as he can be with the closeness. He opens the book, settling in to read- he does is slowly and carefully, only stumbling on a few words and pronunciations here and there. It's a sad story, really- of love lost, then almost regained- only to be torn away at a moment's notice- before, eventually, finally, finding itself once more. ]
[ Kirk shifted so that he lay on his stomach, closing his eyes and
listening to Fenris work through the passages. If Fenris stumbled, he
opened his eyes and lifted his head up to consider the word, waiting to
offer help but remaining silent until Fenris worked through it. He would
brush his lips across Fenris' arm when his head went back down, as if in
praise, and simply enjoyed the cadence of Fenris' voice. ]
Hmm, you're improved. You sound more confident when you read now.
[A soft smile teases at Fenris' lips- pleased, proud even- of what he has been able to accomplish. It's something he has managed to work though by his own choice, something he can say he achieved at the behest of no one but himself. It means...a lot. ]
I feel more confident now. It is a real pleasure, these days.
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Her response was to declare I never trusted her in the first place. That I don’t treat her as an equal.
[ He paused. ]
Perhaps there is some truth in that. I won’t deny it can happen and she obviously felt that way. But it wasn’t about trusting her to do her job, it was about trusting her to stay with the crew - the team - in a crisis and being able to count on having her. Powers or no powers.
And that’s just it. How can I look at her and say to myself - Kara has our backs, when we’re in battle? How do I know she won’t abandon us when we might need her most?
[ His weight made the bed creak as he leaned back and into Fenris’ chest. ]
I’ve never had reason to question that before, and I do now, and I hate it.
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[If any member of the Tourist is likely to go rogue and fuck things up for everyone, it's Fenris. Even he can admit to that. He sighs, resting his head against Kirk's breathing in the scent of his hair. One arm shifts to wrap around his chest- not a full hug but something. ]
I wish I could give you the answer you need. Ultimately, that will have to be her choice. If she wishes to be part of the crew or not. I would miss her a lot, but if it would be easier for her to not have her heart torn in two places, it would be kinder to go to him. Or him to here...I suppose.
[He's not thrilled with the idea. He's never been a fan of Mon-El's. ]
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[ He closed his eyes, thankful Fenris was allowing him this moment of physical comfort. He knew it was not the easiest thing for him, and it meant a lot that he did it. He turned his head, brushing his nose along the angle of the elf’s cheek, reaching up to run his hands through silver hair. ]
I told her as much. I don’t want her to go. But I can’t make that decision for her. Like you said, this isn’t the Enteprrise.
[ Lips brushed across Fenris’ skin, a gentle touch at the corner of his lips. He could smell the brandy on them from that one sip, faint and warm. ]
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She has to be allowed to choose. It seems we are having a lot of bad luck with that, lately. I...am not sure if Pavel will return to us for good, either.
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I think he will. He just... needs time. He has been sheltered from a lot of this, and before the incident with the corpses he killed someone for the first time to defend me. It’s a lot for him, and he needs to handle it in his own time in his own way.
Though that is something I should do soon - talk to him.
[ He ducked his head in, nuzzling at him and then switching to nibble at his lips. ]
Anything you want to get off your chest?
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He exhales, a thumb brushing the line of Kirk's jaw- eyes closing for a moment because that nibbling is very distracting.]
No. I do not wish to put you in an uncomfortable position between us. I would not do that to you.
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[ He wanted to protest for a moment, but what would be gained by pushing his nose into it? He made a soft sound touched by a frown, thumb brushing along the edge of Fenris’ ear. ]
All right, but if you want to talk about it, we can. Just know that, all right?
[ His teeth worked along Fenris’ jaw, occasionally bumping him with his nose. ]
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I know, thank you. It will solve itself in time, or it won't. We will have to see.
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[ He nodded, accepting that, and honestly a little grateful to not have to talk about it. He was worried, but he just didn’t think he could handle more emotional land mines today. He turned his head, gaze falling on the book Fenris had left open when he’d obviously gotten up to answer the door. He patted this thigh for his attention. ]
What book were you reading? Anything interesting?
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[He smiles, turning to pick it up. ]
It is one of the books in the library, on Earth legends. I was curious when you told me about the end of the world wolf. They are...actually interesting reads.
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[ He made himself comfortable against Fenris, taking as much time as the other would let him to just lean back and be physically against him. ]
What do you think of your namesake?
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[After all, when he was on Earth, it was a much different place- ravaged by war with only tiny pockets of humanity still surviving outside of the mass of United Earth. He takes his time, hesitating, before moving to rest against him. ]
Well. It's a giant wolf of total destruction. It's...interesting at least.
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Hah, have you gotten to the part about the giant serpent encircling the world? That one always got me. Or I think there's something about a holy squirrel that ferries messages along the nine realms and the tree Yggdrasil.
[ He laughed, clearly enjoying the subject. He was not overly versed, but he knew some basics. He did read things other than science and history books now and then. ]
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]
I do not understand how a serpent can encircle the world. Or... well a holy squirrel sounds very Orleasian.
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Well, you have to remember, when these were written, the world was much smaller to them. Not as we know it. The seas were vast, deep, unexplored and misunderstood. Weather was misunderstood. Wolves were a very real and powerful threat. It's easy to see how they came up with these myths, though they're just entertainment now.
The squirrel I can't really explain though.
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...Though some do have dragons, so I suppose that close enough.
[Dragons are like snakes, right? Sure. He smiles, settling a little closer to Kirk, relaxing against him.]
Still, it has been an interesting read.
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[ Excited about this subject? Clearly. But he always was when he got a chance to learn new things, and many times understanding a culture came down to understanding their religious beliefs too. ]
What's been your favorite part?
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You really do love this kind of thing, don't you? It's...nice to see you being so excited about something.
[He closes the book, tapping it against his lip in thought. ]
Eurydice. That was a pleasant story. Tragic, but still a good tale.
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Do I not seem excited about other things?
[ He blinked, but he obviously didn't take it as an insult. But god did he love that laugh. A real laugh out of Fenris. He almost closed his eyes just so he could listen harder to it, memorize it - a little gem suddenly dropped in his lap. He watched Fenris tap his lip, taking his head when he finished and kissing the tip of the finger that had just been against his lip. ]
Want to read it to me?
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[He watches Kirk's reaction, before glancing down to his book. ]
...I could certainly do that.
[An action that would have been a faraway dream a few years ago. Reading. ]
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[ Kirk's smile was bright, though small. He leaned up to kiss the corner of Fenris' mouth again, shifting to the edge of the bed to work off his shoes and socks, making himself comfortable. He moved to lay out, patting the space beside him. ]
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[ Kirk shifted so that he lay on his stomach, closing his eyes and listening to Fenris work through the passages. If Fenris stumbled, he opened his eyes and lifted his head up to consider the word, waiting to offer help but remaining silent until Fenris worked through it. He would brush his lips across Fenris' arm when his head went back down, as if in praise, and simply enjoyed the cadence of Fenris' voice. ]
Hmm, you're improved. You sound more confident when you read now.
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I feel more confident now. It is a real pleasure, these days.
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I'm glad. I know how much you wanted it.
[ He sat up, leaning over and kissing Fenris' shoulder. ]
I like listening to you read. I like it's what I woke up to, when I came out of the Atroma Coma.
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